Absolutely Ridiculous
by purrpickle
Summary: Prompt: Ruby and Regina watching or reading about their respective fairy tale stories from this world. Add in the theme of Wolf!Ruby, and you get this fic. Written for the Red Queen Week 2016 fic exchange. One-shot, complete.


**A/N** : I don't own OUAT or any of the characters within. Hi all! This is my Red Queen Week 2016 fic exchange fic for tiffanyknowles on tumblr, who prompted: Ruby and Regina watching or reading about their respective fairy tale stories from this world. Thanks!

So, a little funny story with this one. This is a mash-up of that prompt as well as the Wolf!Ruby day as, with health issues that popped up and took all of my energy, it ended up being easier to make them one instead of trying to do two (or more) at once. Hence the beginning starting where it does. I guess I should also disclaim that this also involves magical!pregnancy, because what other reason would Regina put up with watching that schlock? Also, still new to writing OUAT, so forgive character lapses or the like. I only know them from fanfic and the three episodes of the show I've watched…

One more thing! All the movies mentioned in this _are_ real! And I recommend all of them. Except Winter's War. If you must watch that movie, only watch for Emily Blunt. Actually, I also don't recommend The Asylum's Sleeping Beauty. See it once for Olivia d'Abo, but then you don't need to see it again. On a completely different note, Avengers Grimm has wonderful lesbian undertones. :D

Here we go!

* * *

Ruby was wriggling.

"Dear," Regina drawled, not looking up from her book, "If the moon calls you, go."

She could practically _feel_ the strength of Ruby's pout, the other woman's body settling harder against hers. "But this is our only time off together," Ruby sighed, her breath hot against Regina's ear; her long fingers brushed through the bangs on the opposite side of her face, palm cupping her cheek and arm obscuring Regina's view of her book.

Regina closed it. "I'll still be here. Go. Run. Then come to bed." Her lips twitched, smirk barely hidden. "Human this time, please."

"That was _once_!"

"Mmhm, and I haven't woken up to a cold, wet nose and an equally disgusting wet tongue swiping across my face the past two months?"

Ruby opened her mouth, then closed it, a sheepish grin lifting her lips. "The wolf missed you."

Studying her, Regina raised an eyebrow. "And you miss the wolf." She lifted her hand, making a small 'shoo!' motion. " _Go_. I'm starting to think you're having a fight with her, keeping yourself back. _I'll be here_."

Ruby let out a two tonal _I know_ hum, already coiling herself in preparation for pushing up from the bed. One leg planted on the floor, she paused, turning her chin to look back at Regina. "D… Didn't you want to cuddle?"

A blush would have risen on Regina's cheeks if she hadn't stopped it. Still, she cleared her throat. "I have a book," she stated, holding said book up, "In fact, I've already been reading it. And 'cuddling' right now wouldn't be relaxing in the least." She smirked. "You could barely wrap your arm around me before nibbling on my neck."

"You have a beautiful neck!"

"And you have a need to shift. My neck, as well as the rest of me, will still be here." Regina sighed, her momentary flash of frustration easing into a small affectionate and supportive smile. "Ruby. Please." She reached out for Ruby's hand, squeezing it as soon as Ruby's infinitely warmer fingers laced with hers, the taller woman skirting around the bottom of the bed to come to her side. "If for whatever reason your reticence has to do with some expectation of what I want or that I'll be _disappointed_ in some way… I won't. At the very least, go for _me_."

"I…" Her eyes momentarily glowing gold, Ruby glanced from Regina's face to her stomach and back up. Her back straightened, and she wrapped her other hand around the one still in her grasp. "I won't go far."

Already hearing the deeper tones curling on the edges of her voice, Regina tugged Ruby to her, sitting up to steal a kiss, her free hand cupping the back of the other woman's neck to keep her within reach. "I wouldn't expect you to. It's a good thing my property abuts the forest." She dropped her hand to raise a finger. "Ah! No. No…" Her mouth curled derisively, "'Butt' jokes."

"At least I made you think of them. I'll take that as a win." Pressing a harder kiss to Regina's lips and lingering before pulling back, her fingertips tracing along her cheek as if she didn't want to stop touching her, Ruby paused. Her eyes flicked down Regina's body again.

Rolling her eyes affectionately, Regina still sighed, making a big show of setting aside her book completely, shifting a little as she pushed the bed covers down. Then, Ruby's hands were already there, unbuttoning and pushing aside the bottoms of her pajama top before she could even pull her hands back. She couldn't stop the shiver that arrived at the touch of Ruby's warm fingers on her slightly chilled stomach. "I'm not looking forward to when she starts waking up during Wolf's Time," she murmured, smiling at the awestruck look that Ruby adopted each time she set eyes on her developing baby bump.

"Yeah, that can be tough," Ruby answered distractedly, blinking and smiling endearingly crookedly up at her at her questioning noise. "I mean, I assume. Unfortunately my only source of comparison, Granny, had been carrying a human."

"Mmm. Lucky her."

"Right?" Shaking her head, Ruby settled to her knees, leaning in to press first her forehead, then nose, then lips to the slightly swelled surface. Making a wordless hum of pleasure as Regina's fingers stroked through her bangs and hair, she whispered a promise and love to unhearing ears before pushing herself back up. She nuzzled Regina's nose with her own. "Thank you for being so endlessly patient with me."

The deeper tones were back in the taller woman's voice. Regina smiled at her. "Always, when within reason, dear." She allowed a hint of her Evil Queen to color her next sentence, "Now _go_."

* * *

"This is absolutely ridiculous." Glaring in frank disgust at the offending DVD cases in her hands, Regina happily set them down to accept the glass of water Ruby handed her, immediately curling up against the taller woman once she sat down. Or, at least, she curled up as much as she could with a seven month old pregnant body; it was both frustrating and endearing when Ruby took pity on her, using her strength to pull her up as she rearranged her own position, now resting back against the high side of the sofa, Regina comfortably ensconced between her legs, so Regina didn't bother to thank her.

Pressing a kiss to the top of the older woman's head, Ruby rubbed her arm and shoulder, reaching out a long arm to grab up the abandoned DVDs. "Yeah…" she mused, flipping through the titles, her eyebrows rising and falling with each new title. "Not to mention what I'm sure Netflix has to offer… _Wait_." She froze. "Are you _serious_?" Shoving the last DVD to Regina's face, she was practically laughing and crying at the same time.

" _Little Dead Rotting Hood_ ," Regina read dispassionately. "Quaint." Her lips turned down even more. "And you're _sure_ Anna already went through and weeded out the worst ones?"

"Oh, no, wait – " Ruby's voice became increasingly more interested, the woman doing an impressive maneuver with the DVD to flip it over without taking her other hand from where it was now laced with Regina's on her stomach, "This is – oh, oh my god. Regina, it's a _werewolf_ movie!"

Regina rolled her eyes. "Are you sure it's not a _zombie_ movie?" Her voice practically dripped disdain. She held the highest derision for what classified as the current obsession with the brain-dead, pun intended, creatures. It had always seemed overwhelmingly lame, even for her. "Could have fooled me with the title and cover photo."

Ruby's arm tightened around her. "No, no, well, okay, maybe it's like a, a fusion? But mostly…" Her eyes skimmed the back some more, "Yeah, werewolf!" She paused momentarily. "Oh. Hah!" She laughed, "That explains it. It's an Asylum movie."

"Like that dreadful _Sleeping Beauty_ with zombies Emma made us watch when she got it in her head that we _needed_ a terrible movie drinking night?"

"Hey, it's not my fault we had just found out you were pregnant so you couldn't drink," Ruby nudged her shoulder affectionately.

"Right, and that would have made _all_ the difference," Regina drawled. She picked up some more of the DVDs Anna and Elsa had dropped off last week. "I _promise_ you it would have _not_ made a difference. You know I would never allow myself to attain the level of inebriation _needed_ to find that one entertaining – in _any_ way."

Ruby kissed her head again, "You know I thought the Evil Queen was pretty intriguing." She smirked, setting _Little Dead Rotting Hood_ down onto what Regina had the sinking feeling was her _keep and intend to watch_ pile. "Seems to me that, even if they didn't get the right hair color, they got your _dresses_ , at least, pretty much right. Which, come to think of it, is probably why I thought of you, and not Maleficent…"

Regina abruptly dug her nails into Ruby's hand. "Careful, dear," she said through a smile.

"Oh, you know you love me."

"Somehow," Regina sighed allowingly, relaxing her grip, "I do. Oh, goodness _no_." Vanishing one the moment she registered the case, she counted it as a win that she hadn't lost control and made it go up in flames instead. She hoped Anna appreciated getting _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_ dropped on her face, wherever she was. In fact, she almost regretted that it hadn't been a special anniversary edition in a collectible tin, five pounds heavy and painful.

"…Okay…" Ruby responded, apparently knowing that it would be best not to ask. Regina appreciated it immensely.

Her answering remark saying as much was halted when Ruby shifted under her, her long, lithe body doing amazing things to Regina's libido. Sighing, Regina closed her eyes and counted to ten. Unfortunately she'd already put off this… Embarrassing ritual long enough. She couldn't, in good conscious, purposefully head them in a different direction.

But Ruby was already talking again. "Oh, here's another Asylum movie."

"…I'm starting to think the Princess of Arendelle has an embarrassing obsession," Regina muttered.

Laughing but ignoring that aside from a quip about her not being in charge of the intervention, Ruby continued with her perusal. "It's called _Avengers Grimm_. Female group of fairy tale princesses and the like… Dropped into the modern world. Oof, that's a little close to home… Heyy, but it says right here that I'm one of the main characters."

"Let me guess. And I'm the 'Big Bad'." Though she understood, it was still starting to rankle the impression of her that their daughter would get, no matter how correct.

"Actually… No. Not this time, Your Majesty." Rubbing her thumb along the back of Regina's hand, Ruby hugged her. She craned her head around, brushing her lips along Regina's cheekbone, waiting for her to meet her eyes before grinning. "Look at it this way – I doubt any of these movies would be as bad as _Snow White and the Huntsman_."

That was true with _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_ having been already taken care of. Regina scowled. "I thought we agreed to never speak of that movie," she rasped warningly.

Ruby teasingly licked her cheek, expertly weaving away from the fast tap Regina tried to land on the arm not around her. "I thought that was," her tone raised teasingly, " _The Huntsman: Winter's War_?"

"It was both of them and you know it," Regina hissed, shaking her head and resolutely turning back to the next DVD in her hand. Ruby deserved to be ignored for that, and she knew it. But instead of a single DVD case, it was a box set. "Oh? A mini-series?" Drawing her brows together as she studied the cover, trying to think of where she'd seen some of the actors billed before, she read out inquisitively, " _The 10_ _th_ _Kingdom_?"

Ruby abruptly sat up, shoving her chin over Regina's shoulder. "Ooh, that's a good one! I was – well, _Ruby_ was – the Ruby from the curse – mm, the first one – was obsessed with that for a while." She smirked, "I mean, Wolfie, right? I can't believe I didn't think of it when we came up with this idea. There's even a 'pretty magical' pregnancy." She plucked the case from Regina's hand, dropping a sloppy kiss to her cheek in apology when she let out a huff at being interrupted from reading all of the back; turning her head, Regina watched her drop it on top of… Oh no. _Avengers Grimm_ and _Little Dead Rotting Hood_. Ruby turned back to Regina with a triumphant smile on her face, "We're definitely watching it!"

Sighing, closing her eyes and counting to ten again, this time for an entirely different reason, Regina clipped out, "Have you even said _no_ to anything? Ruby! I only have _so much_ patience, or _free time_ in my day, and watching these…" she uncharacteristically floundered, suddenly exhausted as her already low mood dropped even more, "Continual reminders of a r- _romanticized_ and inflated version of - - _our_ past in hopes of someday showing our _child_ to give her a sense of…" She grit her teeth, annoyed at her inability to say what she wanted without letting her pregnancy hormone assisted anger get a hold of her. "Who… Where we came from... Is _not_ , in _any_ way, frankly, _what_ _I want to waste my time doing_!"

A slow warm breath of air over the back of her neck and shoulder preceded a soft kiss to her ear. Always aware Regina preferred to have a hand free in case of needing to suddenly defend herself or those she was with, Red placed her free hand onto Regina's hip, her other hand laced in Regina's grip briefly disengaging to settle, warm and strong, back onto her knuckles, curving around her whole hand. It was infinitely comforting, so Regina didn't move. "I've been waiting for this, you know," Ruby softly.

"I'm not surprised."

"Right?" Smiling softly, Ruby stroked her thumb over the skin under Regina's shirt. "I'd like to think I know you by now."

Regina turned her head, resting it momentarily on Ruby's before feeling a little too vulnerable; she shifted her position, knowing as she did so that she was going to settle back exactly how she had already been sitting. "Better than most."

"And I'm grateful for every bit I get. Regina. It makes _absolute_ sense that you'd be uncomfortable about this." Ruby's hand lifted to gently move her head back enough so their eyes could meet, her thumb unintentionally resting against her lower lip. She didn't bother to remove it as her eyes, dark and strong, gazed at her. "I know who you are. Who you were. The same as I do me, too, and how you know yourself too. Hell, the whole damn _town_ knows us. That's kinda unavoidable." Her eyes dropped, her eyelashes, so long and beautiful, almost brushing against Regina's skin, and Regina wanted to lean in to let them.

Ruby drew in a deep, almost shuddering breath, her eyes glowing as a wide smile slowly lit up her whole face. "But her. _Her_." Her hand covering Regina's moved, drawing the both of them over to her pregnant belly, resting there, Regina a little astonished to feel their daughter shift and kick in response, "She'll only know us. And what other people, _not_ us, inevitably tell her. That's what you're, I won't say afraid of, but concerned with, isn't it?"

Regina licked her lips. It was painful to admit, but…"I don't…" Sadness stayed her tongue. "Henry," she finished miserably.

Shifting, pushing up to more solidly curl around her back, Ruby nodded, her free hand lowering to Regina's hip again.

"What he… If I had known, I would have changed _everything_. How he found out. W-what he thought of me." Old pain welled in Regina's chest, and, though tempered by the amazing relationship she'd _finally_ forged with her son, she had to bring her free hand up to her mouth, hiding the anguished curl of her lips.

Ruby squeezed her hand. "He loves you. He never didn't. And I _know_ you know that."

Not trusting herself to speak, Regina nodded.

"Good." Ruby inhaled, taking the time to gather her thoughts.

Warm in her embrace, still uncomfortably close to tears, Regina could feel her wolf's heartbeat, strong and steady, against her shoulder blades, a comforting companion to the movement of their baby. She allowed herself to enjoy it, that one confession already easing the tightness inside of her she was ashamed she hadn't predicted.

Another kiss to her ear, however, drew her attention back to the woman herself.

"Okay. I think I figured out how well to say this," Ruby smiled at her. "Look at where you were in life, back then. Back when Henry started to figure things out. It's different now, isn't it?"

Regina couldn't hold back a snort.

"Right, I know. Obvious. Just bear with me."

"Not yet, dear."

"Wh – _Regina_."

Regina managed a smug smile. "Go on, dear," she waved Ruby on, "Please. I can only guarantee I'll be in the mood to listen for the next couple of minutes."

Gently poking her side, Ruby still smiled. " _Yes_ , Your Majesty. Wherever was I before you derailed the conversation with that _staggeringly_ witty remark?" She made an over exaggerated puzzled expression, her smile growing as her eyes met Regina's again, drawing from the soft but honest affection in her eyes. "Ah, right. Okay. Not only were you different, but so was everyone else. Me, Emma, the whole town… You didn't have the advantage of advanced preparation, nor were you, simply put, as accepted and supported as you are now. You have _experience_. And she'll be a clean slate! No preconceptions… No learning or forming opinions on the fly." Her smile gentled. "Doesn't that sound... Well… Nice?"

When Regina didn't answer, turning her head back so she could think about her words, Ruby added, absently stroking the bare skin under Regina's shirt again, "And I'm not just talking about you. There's me, too. My past. Who the _real_ Red Riding Hood is. I could have so easily been the bad guy too. And sometimes…" She inhaled, her shoulders dropping with her exhale, her head stretching back and forth on her neck, "I actually was."

It was easier focusing on Ruby than it was herself. Sitting up, Regina clumsily rolled herself onto the side of her body the best she could while still sitting up; having to wrap her hand around Ruby's arm to take advantage of her capability to hold still as Regina tugged herself around, the woman's legs falling open to give her space, she, once assured she wasn't going to slip and fall over or make a complete fool of herself, threaded her hand into the hair at the back of Ruby's neck, drawing her head down to, instead of kiss her as the woman obviously expected, her lips pursing in anticipation, press her lips to her forehead instead. Her hand shifted down to cup Ruby's ear and jaw, her palm enjoying the strong lines. "We both have our demons," she whispered, looking into shining green eyes, "But you're right. We'll make sure she knows them."

"Thank you." Ruby reached up, drawing Regina's hand from her cheek; curling her fingers into her palm, she brought her knuckles up to her lips, dropping a light kiss to each one. She smiled softly. "Up for watching a movie?"

Letting out a sharp, incredulous laugh, Regina playfully slapped Ruby's chest before lumbering around again, allowing long arms to wrap around her once more. "Anything except _Little Dead Rotting Hood_ ," she yawned, finishing dryly, " _You_ can watch that one by _yourself_."

Ruby's laugh rumbled in her chest, her hand once again coming to a stop resting on Regina's stomach. "You got it, Majesty," she stretched for the DVDs they'd already gone through, Regina almost purring at the feeling of her moving under her again, "So… Ah… _Avengers Grimm_?"

Regina groaned. She closed her eyes. "If you insist. Though I'm warning you I'm probably going to," she yawned, settling onto her very attractive pillow, "Fall asleep pretty soon."

Ruby squeezed her. " _That_ , I don't mind. Not at all."

"Good. So stop moving."

They were just lapsing into comfortable silence, Regina already feeling the warm draw of sleep beckoning, when Ruby cleared her throat, a laugh obviously stuck inside. Regina sighed. " _What_ , dear?"

"If I can't move, how am I supposed to put the DVD in the player?"

Silence, then, "Ruby?"

"Yes?"

Regina smirked. "I don't really see how that's _my_ problem."


End file.
